why "me?"

some people send text messages using "me."

e.g. "d2 na me. wer na u?"

annoying!

i actually know at least one person who dumped his potential boylet just because he would text that way.

babaw ba me?

evil step sisters

it's not my fault that you're intimidated by me. i'm sorry if i kick ass. now if you feel like you were kicked, that was actually you kicking yourself.

now stay off my case.

whining

6.00am
I just want to sit here the whole day and not care.
I don’t want to go to work.
But what use is this whining when I know I’m going anyway?
Fuck.

dog-eat-dog

11/24/05
Thursday
1.59am

I went home at 8pm. I wasn’t on duty, nor had I been given the ok signal to go home. I just needed to get my laundry ready for pick-up. But then I had fallen asleep & woke up an hour ago, only to find out I had been given the go signal 5 minutes after I had fallen asleep.

I am torn. I always play to win, even though I have my low profile days. But I also don’t mind leaving this place because the system in La Salle is better.
Every institution has its shit and its gold.
Me, I take the good with the bad. And right now, it’s bad. The only thing that will make me leave is if they tell me to. So, asshole, bring it on. But I will never give you the satisfaction by leaving on my own.
But it’s not just asshole that’s giving me these thoughts. It’s the screwed-up traditions and system. The only consolation I have that it’s going to be better in the years to come. Especially when my batch will rule.

Gossip is a treacherous weapon. It’s a dog-eat-dog world here. Shall I wrestle with this world when I could live peacefully in a less treacherous arena?

psychotic

11/21/05
Mon

Even though I do know the answer, I can’t help but ask What is wrong with this bloke?
He was pathetic to incessantly call the Department Head last night demanding I should be booted out. But the boss insisted on talking to me first – to my damn relief!!! Been wanting to talk to him for the longest time!
So this morning, I have come clean with every detail – every fuckin’ detail, including those I shouldn’t really be admitting! I had to for him to understand fully well. However, I was very cautious. I went to the extent of playing “legal” by dropping in those essential “allegedly,” “reportedly,” “she claims…”
At the end of the discussion, he was convinced that this was a pathetic issue. Think about it:
A man who harasses me and tells me he doesn’t want to talk to me, but he keeps on looking for me so he could harass and talk to me.
A woman who promises to keep her mouth shut, but because (according to her) idol nya ako and she draws strength from me, she keeps mentioning my name, thus, unknowingly getting me involved.
The same man who tells me he doesn’t want me involved, but keeps on getting me involved as well.

E why do I have to be included in this relationship?! I’m certainly not benefiting from it. I don’t care about them! Why would I want my days spent on such trivial and disturbing issues that aren’t even my own?!

The boss said he won’t allow that I be harassed like that again, but if I ever do, I should go straight to him. Tears suddenly overflowed – I was so relieved! This was the first time I was able to tell someone, and I have protection now from my superiors.
That afternoon, he kept harassing me by calling me at the E.R.
Fortunately, the boss walked by. With the help of my colleague, I was able to tell him that I was again being harassed. He initially brushed it off, like it’s so petty I shouldn’t mind it. But then I guess he felt the harassment, so he told me I should go home.
I am home. But I couldn’t go out.
The asswipe threatened that he will file an official complaint against me. I answered back, “Ok.” I felt he was stunned. Hahahaha!
I am looking forward to tomorrow. If the big bosses would give in to his so-called complaint, then I don’t deserve to be here.
I deserve a better place.
However, I went into this place without any plans of giving up. Now, more than ever, I don’t want to. Even if it were just to not give him that satisfaction that he is invulnerable.
E kung sa palakasan lang, di nya kilala ang mga kilala ko. But I don’t do that. I’m a peace-loving person. If provoked to the core, then that’s the time for more aggressive action.
Pasalamat sya na sa Department Head level pa lang ito. Ang nakakatawa pa nito, e obvious naman na sa akin kakampi yung Head for rational reasons.

asswipe

11/19/05
Sat

The asswipe thinks he can intimidate me. Not really. But I am curious and a bit frightened at how a diagnosed mental case like him will attempt to throw my career down the drain. In the meantime, I summoned the help of a very prominent cousin. I am never one who would use my connections to get me where I am; I always want a sense of achievement. But this time, when one’s life or career is endangered, who cares about using one’s connections?
Initially, he was quite aggressive with his plan of action. As the days went by, he was convinced that a more conservative management would be the smarter way to go in the meantime. So I’m staying put.
I’m not afraid right now. But I have the nagging feeling I should be.
Be afraid. Be vewy afwaid…

…what a pathetic loser.

vertigo

11/12/05
Sat

I don’t know if it’s the hour-long live music and tinnitus or the alcohol swirling in my cranium and vision that’s altering my state of consciousness. I’m walking but I don’t feel my feet touch the ground, as though my head is simultaneously floating and feeling its affinity for the ground. The reverberating sound of music drowning through my system is making me high.
I love vertigo.
I’m walking straight. I’m running straight. I even caught up with the van.
Unfortunately, I left some shit that doesn’t belong to me.
The world makes sense to me again.


I’m working 36 hours every other day. I wake up every other morning in chaos. I’m in charge of housekeeping and managing 2 wards. And I am expected to have read. I don’t eat right. I stand or walk hours on end. I have no social contact other than those I am with everyday. I live without the knowledge of when I’d be free. The men I work with are rowdy. I am at risk of a urinary infection because I go through the day dehydrated.
I am in love.

mind f*

this blog! fell on oct 22, 2005

my dad estimates that the total distance we jog (or i jog) is a little over 5kms. so imagine the chaos that goes through my mind:

pag hindi mo natapos ito, walang mangayayari sa iyo.
one step at a time.
don't underestimate yourself.
push!
bomb diggity.
let's do tongue twisters... in a british accent.
no excuses.
hindi ka pagod.
yu ken du eeet!
run forrest, run!!
kumanta ka na lang.
bomb diggity!!
pinaka-mahirap yung patapos ka na.
it's when things seem worse that you musn't quit.
yay! bomb diggity!!
now that you've reached your goal, let's see if you can do more.
more! more! more!
do it now!
you think too much.
this is insane!!
it's just a mind fcuk.

you know you're in the province when...

- your neighbor's videoke reverberates throughout the neighborhood.
- marami nang napapaaway dahil sa "my way" at "bakit ngayon ka lang."
- the nearby pool is the river.
- a dip in the river won't be complete (if you're not lucky) without women doing their laundry or a carabao taking a dip upstream from where you're swimming.
- watching the moon rise is entertainment.
- uso ang "bedtime stories."
- fresh air won't be fresh air without a whiff of dung.
- a trip through the fields won't be complete without a close encounter with dung.
***
photos by trixie. that river is the one a few meters from our home in tuguegarao city, cagayan.

this one taken in the middle of a carabao pool party. gate crashing with trixie is gradually becoming an expertise.

***
"tara, beybeh. ibubukid na kita."